its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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