trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
