so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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