You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
