When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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