He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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