She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
