I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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