did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
