We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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