Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
