I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
