Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
