Me too!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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