Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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