i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
