that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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