Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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