Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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