I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
