first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
