I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
