just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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