I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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