I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
