i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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