have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
