the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
