"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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