I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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