enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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