Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
