he thought i was a dude.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
