He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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