I think scott just propositioned me for sex
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
