There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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