I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
