i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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