my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He better not be in your backpack
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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