we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
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There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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