I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
