So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
