Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
