I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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