the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
