I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
