Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
