I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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