apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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