good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
