sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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