There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
