whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
