I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
