I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
