i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
