my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
