Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
