Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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