I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
