my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
